Journey Of The Heart

What is your immediate reaction when I ask what is the condition of your heart?

For those who feel their hearts are trapped or even dead, God has not given up.  Don’t you give up.  In the “trenches” that is hard to see sometimes.  But I recently received through a dream the gift of seeing where my heart was many years ago and where it is now. Continue reading

The Ultimate Letting Go

Question #1 for you.  Is there a dream you have that feels so visceral that you just “have to have it”, i.e., without it life is just not enough and you can’t love yourself?

Question #2 for you.  Who does that dream depend on for fulfillment – you or someone else?

I recently had revelation that my answers were #1 – yes, #2 someone else.

Do you see where that could be a problem?

I have prayed, hoped and cried for this dream for so long that I can’t remember life without it.  I finally have my answer and it in no way looks the way I have, until very recently, told my Heavenly Father that it needed to look in order for life to feel complete and for me to be able to love myself and not feel a failure.


In tech-talk it is an upgrade to my recent software installment of “letting go without giving up“.  Revelation came that I was unfairly putting an IOU on another person for me to feel complete and to be able to love me and to feel good about me.  Prior to the revelation I had seen this need as what I deserved or an even uglier term “my right” … just being transparent here.

My prayers had all been make this person act this way so life can be good and I can love me.  “This is what I deserve” should have been my red flag.  Did I really want “what I deserve”?  Jesus actually lived, died and rose again so that I don’t get what I deserve!  My mindset before this revelation was a trap and my Heavenly Father loved me to much to answer “on my terms”.

I was crying out in prayer, again, and heard what seems to be a very prevalent theme in my life right now “let go without giving up”.  My response:  say what??  Let go of my right; what I deserve?  Where is that in scripture Father?

My revelation was I saw Jesus in Gethsemane.  He let go without giving up.  He let go of what He deserved, to be seated at the right hand of the Father, and His dream for another way for mankind to be reconciled to the Father.  However, Jesus did not give up.  Rather, He trusted the Father’s way was better than the desire of His heart.  How hard was it for Jesus to let go of His dream and the desire of His heart – He literally sweat drops of blood. 

Jesus at Gethsemane from "The Passion of The Christ" 2004

Jesus at Gethsemane from “The Passion of The Christ” 2004

I was stunned.  I’d never seen it in these terms before.  Not that what I was facing in any way compares to what Jesus was facing, but because of Jesus example I chose to let go of my dream, what I thought I deserved, and the way it had to look, without giving up.  Trusting that my Heavenly Father’s way, however it looks, is better than the way I have (past tense) believed my dream has to look and be answered.

As revelation dawned I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for believing and partnering with the lie that another person’s response to me determines whether or not life is good and I can love myself and see myself as a success or failure.  I forgave myself for believing/partnering with that lie and not knowing any better.  I exercised the authority the Holy Spirit transmits to me (John 16:14)  to tell the shame and discouragement that has had access to my life through this lie that it must go and deal with Jesus.  I asked My Heavenly Father to rebuke whatsoever powers and principalities that have had access to me, and those I love through this lie (Jude 1:9).  I asked my Heavenly Father to put the complete work of the cross between all the consequences of this lie and me and those I love and to heal us all.  I thanked Jesus for going first and showing me the way.  How utterly amazing Jesus is!

Do you see the gift here in God’s answer?  I am utterly free to receive the best the Creator of All has for me!  

Free to be defined by who God says I am (Psalm 8:5, Ephesians 1:4) and how I respond to that truth.  That is eternal and does not change.  Whereas my version of depending on the responses of another person relies solely on their choices in the moment.  Hmmmm …. eternally secure or moment-to-moment changing definition.  I’ll take eternally secure please 🙂 .  

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but desire fulfilled is a tree of life
Proverbs 13:12

I think of how long I’ve been praying this prayer and filled with this longing.  My hope had been “deferred” to the point of “giving up” because I was not willing to let go of how my dream had to look.  Now LIFE has come and with it JOY!  I’ve been asking for an answer and WOW has my Heavenly Father provided.

But wait there’s more!  (I know sounds like an infomercial right 🙂 .)  Freedom to love myself and to be complete; freedom to love those around me with no outstanding IOU’s; and freedom to hope without constraints. Now that’s a gift!  Top that off with the gift of being able to be “enhanced” by the people around me rather than depending on and demanding from them to complete me.  BIG DIFFERENCE for me and for them.

My prayer for you is that whatever your “must have” dream may be , may you be willing to let go of how it must look and trust Your Heavenly Father has an answer that is beyond what eye has seen, ear has heard or has entered into anyone’s heart, but God has for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9).  An answer that is exceedingly, abundantly above all that you can even dare to dream to ask (Ephesians 3:20).

Letting Go from

Letting Go from:
Moving Forward Matters

The Mortar of What-Ifs

Life Is Change.001

It takes courage to walk into your freedom.

Courage does not depend on who we are.  Joshua tells us to be strong and of good courage.  How?  Because what God has done before to protect and provide for you He will do again (Joshua 10:25).  Courage finds its source, its strength and its power in God being who He says He is … Merciful, Gracious, Slow to Anger, Abounding in Loving Kindness and Truth (Exodus 34:6) and how He, in the form of the Holy Spirit, is present with us every moment of every day as our Comforter Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby (John 14:16)

My question to you is how much do you want to be free from whatever it is in your life that is hindering you?

Your experience, your current circumstances and the unknown tell you that either nothing can/will change or you could be destroyed.  How do they tell you that … by two simple words “what if”.

I’ve posted previously on grieving over what-ifs, but a recent dream brought revelation of the trap caused by the illusion of safety from the walls of what-ifs we erect around ourselves block by block mortared together by fear.

In my dream there was 4 women in a room.  I was one of the women; the second woman was a dear friend of mine however she was in a wheel-chair as her legs did not work but her upper body and arms were very strong. I did not really notice the 2 other women.  We were away on a trip somewhere but we just kept staying in this one room that was pretty sparsely finished.  The hosts seemed very nice.  I remember checking the locks on the doors as we were talking about going out.  When I looked at the locks they were very simple door handles that could easily be opened by sticking in a paperclip. From the scratches I could tell many people had done exactly that.  As I was trying to push the button on the lock one of the owners (a woman) showed up at the door trying to get in.  We laughed.  I told the owner we needed something like TP and we were going to leave to get it.  She said not to worry she would take care of it.  It felt like OK, now we are stuck here again with nowhere to go.  Scene changes and I say/ask “what about going swimming”? My friend in the wheel chair lights up.  The other women are quiet.  Scene changes and I see my friend lifting herself by her arms out of the wheel chair to support herself against the car to pack for the pool.  My alarm goes off and I wake up.

Over several days I have had continued revelation about this dream and I think the easiest way to share it with you is bullet points to translate the imagery:

  • The 4 women are all different parts of me.
  • Me in the dream is my consciousness, my intellect.
  • My dear friend who in real life is a very loving, giving, strong woman – represents my heart handicapped by past trauma
  • The 2 women I hardly noticed are:
    1.  my will which cannot make a choice and be heard because it is paralyzed by
    “what ifs” mortared with fear of living out a new paradigm I’m experiencing
    2.  some part of me that I have not yet even given a voice.  A part yet to be
    discovered that is as yet silent because of “what if”
  • The walls of the room are all the “what ifs” that keep the four of us in that sparsely furnished place rather than out enjoying all that is available to us on our trip/journey.
  • Going swimming is diving deeper with my heart and my intellect into the new paradigm I’m experiencing, but my will is silent in the dream, not sure about this choice because of being trapped by “what ifs” which keeps me stuck where I am
  • The owner is the Holy Spirit who is trying to get in to meet our every need!

The only thing I knew to do with all this revelation is pray “Jesus help me”.  Small prayer.  Big answer!

What I saw immediately was all the walls blow out and there was so much light everywhere.  It was like Jesus was there  but I couldn’t see Jesus because all I could see was light.  Hmmmm …. I guess I was seeing Him though since he is called the Light of the World (John 1:4).   What I could hear was “Just one step at a time; one step. One step at a time”.  I could see myself take this tiny little step.  I look up at Jesus like a kid would do and ask “Is this OK”?   I feel Jesus nod, feel His assurance and the warmth of His love.  So I bring the other foot up to meet the first.  Then I hear again, “one step at a time”.

But one step at time from where to where?  Any guesses?  

Here’s the revelation:  the locks in the dream – I thought they could keep me safe.  I thought I was safe staying in that sparse place behind those walls and with those locks but I wasn’t safe at all.  It was an illusion.  Anyone could get in and out.  I could see the evidence on the locks themselves.  That has been my experience in life as well, that all my what-if-ing over the years that has stemmed from fear has not been able to keep me safe.  If anything it has caused me more anguish.  The anguish of grieving before something even happens that I wrote about previously, plus what-ifs mortared together with fear are as useless as the locks in the dream to protect me me in any way, shape or form.  All they do is trap me, isolate me, paralyze me and steal yet to be discovered opportunities on my journey.

Like I said … small prayer …. big answer.

Remembering the many expressions of my Heavenly Father’s faithfulness and provision to me and combining that with drawing on the courage the Holy Spirit provides I’m taking one baby step at a time into freedom.  Freedom that is built on what-ifs mortared with the light of hope rather than fear (Ephesians 1:18).   I am curious and excited about what I will discover.  Care to join me?

Penny Chenery Run at Life.001

The Joyful Anticipation of Good

As we approach Thanksgiving here in the United States and I was thinking about what to write – the Holy Spirit reminded me of a teaching I heard earlier this year.  It resonated deeply with me that I am soooo very thankful for the joyful anticipation of good.  This expression comes from a podcast by Bill Johnson of iBethel.  I encourage you to go out and listen to the entire podcast (Waiting Patiently in Hope 06/23/13) to be refreshed and set free with the truth it contains.  Internalizing this teaching has had a great impact on me.  I want to share that with you.

Below is what I transcribed into my own journal after listening.

  • Waiting  (Ps 37:7) – is waiting as a hunter waits watchful, to set up am ambush, seeking out and following so that he can apprehend his prey.  That is how we are to wait for the Lord.  Alert, watchful, and seeking out Him, His presence and following where He is moving; because He has promised that when we seek Him , we will find Him!  (Jer 29:13)
  • Hope  – Any area of your life where you do not have the joyful anticipation of good, like children waiting for Christmas presents on Christmas morning, that area of your life is under the influence of a lie.  The biblical word Hope is literally translated as this excited, joyful expectation of something very significant.  I may not know what it is, I may not know when, I may not know how.  But I am not leaving because it could happen at any moment that God is going to do something extraordinary. (Eph 3:20)
  • Patience (James 1:2-4).  Definition:  The independent, unyielding, defiant perseverance in the face of aggressive misfortune and thus to a kind of courageousness.
1962 Diane and Ruth Christmas

The joyful anticipation of good when I was a little girl with my Aunt Ruth at Christmas.

As the richness of this teaching sunk into my soul (emotions, intellect and will) the Holy Spirit came with personal revelation of how it applies to me and the passions of my heart … which you have probably guessed by now is unconditional hope for every heart 🙂

Part of how I live that out is being involved in an inner healing ministry called Sozo.  For those unfamiliar with that word:  “The New Testament word for ‘Saved’ is the Greek word ‘Sozo’ and it literally means ‘To Save, Heal and Deliver.’ When you combine Sozo with Sōtēria, which is the Greek word for Salvation you get the complete meaning. Simply putting these words together you are able to get the whole picture. To be ‘Saved’ means to be saved, healed, delivered, preserved, protected, to make prosperous and to make whole. The word ‘whole’ means to restore, or  that nothing is missing and nothing is broken.

The definition above is what I deem the “technical” explanation.  As wonderful as that is, after soaking in this teaching from Bill Johnson, my heavenly Father gave me this personal revelation of what Sozo is:

What you are showing me Father is Sozo is;
positioning yourself like a hunter looking for prey,
only in this case it is looking for Jesus.
Watching, looking, positioning yourself to be able to take hold
of what You are doing; to follow Your lead.
How do I follow? By definition of patience above:
“The independent, unyielding, defiant perseverance
in the face of aggressive misfortune and thus to a kind of courageousness.”.
Why? Because I have hope; the joyful anticipation of good.

That is what sozo is.
We are seeking to follow You and to find You
and You have promised to be found.
You have promised You will put yourself, as Bill Johnson said,
“in the midde of the road” if we take those actions:
seek You out, look for where You’re moving and what You’re doing
and we go after it aggressively with independent,
unyielding, defiant perseverance in the face of aggressive misfortune
whatever the person has been through,
whatever we’ve been through because we know —
I KNOW, I know, I know, I know – I have the joyful anticipation of good
because I know YOU WILL BE FOUND.
I know You will provide for me, for them
out of the bounties of Your goodness and Your riches in heaven.
WOW that is quite a definition and revelation of what Sozo is.

To cap it all off my sweet Heavenly Father gave me the dream below:

“Consuming Waves”.

I am driving along a coast in a car I later discover was borrowed from someone who lives in the area.  It’s a beautiful day.  Suddenly as I am driving I hear a “roar” and look to my left there is a HUGE wave approaching.  I see it with just enough time to see it before it engulfs me.  I feel absolutely no fear – actually the opposite.  I feel giddy, effervescent, joyful, empowered and child-like as in “do it again”.  Somehow I am floating within the car, but when the wave recedes I am still driving; the road is till there, the car is still running.  Then it happens again.  I am trying to remember if it happened 3 times or more.  This is sketchy but I believe I remember that I was thinking “what if this happens when I bring the group here”?   So I guess I was checking out a new place to bring people.  The scene changes and I am on a deck at a hotel, telling a group of people about it.  I think one of them is my Mom.  I am so excited.  The looks on their faces are ones of fear and almost horror.  There is one particular person, and I get the impression it was their car I was driving and they look very concerned about their vehicle.  I try to convey that it is fine despite the consuming wave.  As we are there on the patio, I start to hear the roar again.  I stop, stand-up look at everyone, and tell them “listen, wait for it”.  The words are barely out and the wave hits the patio.  I remember laughing as I am engulfed.  I wake up.

As I typed the word “roar” I suddenly remembered the blog post I wrote last fall while in Kiawah “the roar of love”.  That’s what these waves are – waves of consuming love.  I just asked You what is “the coast” and heard “living on the edge” – the edge of what I’ve known and what You have for me.  Oh, and the car is “driving” from the power imparted to me by others experience of You and driving it to a new level of experience in You.  Being absolutely overtaken and consumed by Your Presence Your love like nothing I … or “the group I’m leading/guiding” has every experienced.  Father I feel like Mary, Mother of Jesus in this moment in that I hear You telling me this consuming wave of love and Your Presence is something You are imparting to me and wherever I share my experience You will come and consume those around me – the patio scene.  Like Mary Father I do wonder “how can this be”, but also like Mary my heart’s response is be it unto me according to Your Word!!  Your freshly spoken Word that contains within it the Power to accomplish what it declares.  Mary couldn’t make it happen, I can’t make this happen – but You certainly can make this happen … Hallelujah

Crashing waves of love 17 Mile Drive - California

Crashing waves of love
17 Mile Drive – California

Now THAT is joyful anticipation of good!  Just how powerful is this joyful expectation of good?  Jesus endured the cross because of the joy set before him (Heb 12:2) … because of His joyful expectation of good even in the midst of excruciating pain that would try to tell Him otherwise.  Whatever your circumstances are telling you, the choice is always yours what you will believe.

This Thanksgiving I am so very thankful for the choice to believe in the joyful anticipation of good as I wait patiently to see earth’s sphere permeated with our Heavenly Father’s heart, which is sozo for every life, including mine and yours.

I invite you to come along with me to enter into living on the edge of what we have known and being consumed by what God has for each of us so that we can impart it to those around us and be “the light on the hill”  in Isaiah 60:1-3 that the world so needs at this time.

The fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday

It’s amazing the secrets we keep from ourselves.  I’ve seen this from the perspective of what I wrote in this past blog post, but just last night I had a dream that revealed “current secrets” of which I was unaware.  And I almost missed the opportunity being offered to me.  It is Saturday morning after a long week, I woke from the dream but didn’t want to get up and record it.  I wanted to sleep more so I would be prepared for my day.  I was like a kid who’s parent is trying to get them out of bed.  The more I “tried” to sleep, the more I woke up.  I finally said “Uncle”, I’ll journal Father and got up.  I’m so glad I did.

In the dream I am in a mansion type house and apparently it belongs to my friend who leads our inner healing ministry at church.  She is only there for a moment and asks me if I will take care of things.  I say yes.  I am washing dishes and looking for somewhere to put them away.  Every cupboard I open is full of stuff – dishes, knick knacks and none of it looks very useful to me.  I am trying to put away dishes we’ve used for eating (i.e. something we really need).  I’m amazed by finding so much stuff.  I had no idea she had such a big place and that it was so crammed full.  I feel frustrated and don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to let my friend down but there is just no room for anything more.

The last scene is I am still in my friend’s house.  I look over and there is a large staircase and I see a warrior type man “surf” down the stairs very similar to the battle scene in the first Lord of the Rings movie  when Legalos slides down the stair to rescue his friends.  He seems wild, powerful, and there to defend all while thoroughly enjoying himself and having fun.  I wake up.

I know my friend in the dream represents where I go off and minister inner healing to others, and the mansion is where You, Heavenly Father, have given me to live, i.e., my belief systems that You have been restoring all these years.  That’s You surfing in to rescue me, isn’t it Jeshua?  You love to come to our aid.  You are wild, powerful, here to defend us, loyal and true and totally love being and doing all of that!

So my question is – what is the stuff I think I need that really needs to go.  I immediately here “the way things were”.  I am so consumed with trying to get back what was in my life at a time when life looked more the way I wanted it to that there is no room for the new that You have for me in order to go forward. Nailed.  You are  AMAZING Father.  I had no clue.  I am so thankful that You do!!! 

Father I come out of agreement with the lie that what what I need to be happy and fulfilled is to get back to the way things were.  In this moment I see myself opening all those cupboards and I see what is in them somehow being carried out to go to Goodwill to help others. I come into agreement with the truth of 1 Corinthians 2:9

What eye has not seen and ear has not heard
and has not entered into the heart of man,
[all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready)
for those who love Him
[who hold Him in affectionate reverence,
promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing
the benefits He has bestowed].

But, as the Tanakh says,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard
and no one’s heart has imagined
all the things that God has prepared
for those who love him.”
Complete Jewish Bible

That’s what You have for me and that is what I want!!!  No coincidence that when I opened Biblegateway just now the verse for the day is:

 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires
and secret petitions of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 AMP

How amazing Father that You have revealed to me the “secret petition of my heart” that was buried under the lies and how You will fulfill this secret petition.  Great are You LORD and greatly to be praised!!  Thank You for being such a good parent and getting me up this morning when I was reluctant to do so 🙂  I wanted to sleep more to be prepared for my day.  Thanks to You, now I really am prepared!

My prayer for you is that you will not lose tomorrow looking back for yesterday.  What’s in your cupboards that needs to go to make room for what our Heavenly Father has for you?


When the teeter totters

Saturday morning I awoke from a dream that held so much revelation for me I just knew I was to share it with you.  “To protect the innocent” 🙂 I’ve removed names of friends and co-workers because I do not have their permission to share about them on my blog.  If you recognize yourself, know that God has used you to bless me and release more freedom into my life.  Thank you.

I want to preface what you are about to read from my personal journal with this important point:  what caused me to be so out of balance and stuck for the past 4 months so that my “teeter was tottered”  was not the people, demands or problems I was facing.  It was my reactions and choices to each of those things.  I am blessed to work with wonderful people at a company that truly values their employees and pays them well to be there.

With that in mind, I invite you, once again, into my personal journal:

Dream “Shredded tires”.  I know there was more to this dream but the scene I remember is standing next to my friend and looking at the tires on her vehicle.  The rubber is literally shredded and barely on the rim of the wheel, especially the back driver’s side tire – the tire that has been doing all the pushing.  She is saying that she has had to do a lot of “running”, i.e., trips back and forth.  I guess between her home in the mountains and where I live.  I tell her she is going to have to rest and get new tires.  I remember the feeling of being amazed/ stunned that she could drive the vehicle at all with the tires in that shape.

The revelation that immediately comes to me are my words to my husband when I got home Friday night.   “I am shredded, spent.  I have nothing left.”  The demands at work have been growing and growing and no matter how hard and how many hours I work, my to do list just keeps getting longer.  On Friday I had a headache that turned into a mushroom cloud migraine.  It got to be 5 PM and I realized I hadn’t even started my boss’ monthly reports because of other demands that day.  I just wanted to cry.  But I told myself it will be quicker to just run them than try and figure out a way to come in early Monday.  Honestly I’m not sure how I did it, other than I believed I didn’t have any other choice.

You’re probably wondering how this ties to my dream.  

My friend in the dream has been part of my life for several decades.  She is a noble and  true friend.  However, she also “runs to the rescue” for many and a lot of times to her own detriment.  She sometimes has trouble seeing that her responses actually add to her problems.  Bingo!!  The pictures You give me are so amazing Lord.  My tires are literally shredded.  My responses are adding to my problems.  It is dangerous for me to keep going they way I have been.

I was just thinking I don’t know how to be any different.  What Holy Spirit showed me was my friend from the dream when I first met her many years ago who believed “that’s just the way it is, I can’t to do anything about it.  I just have to suck it up, suffer and live with it.”  Then Holy Spirit showed me my friend now.  You have sent her a finance to care for her; provide for all her needs and give more her more than she has ever imagined possible.  She just has to allow herself to receive his gifts.  

O Lord, You have given me the exact same thing in Jeshua!

I have felt assaulted with no protection at work from the demands.  As I typed that You showed me this big shield drop down where people walk up to my desk and I realized that is Your faithfulness (Ps 91:4).  I thought OK that stops people from “getting to me” but what about my computer and the requests that come through it?  I saw the picture of the mountains which is above my computer.  Then I saw Psalm 91:1-4 – me up against You, Father in the shadow of Your wings with Your presence on my one side and Your faithfulness on my other.  You remind me of Psalm 36 – “Your righteousness is as the mighty mountains” – it is nothing I can mess up.  I think of Jared Black’s teachings on righteousness and the definition of righteousness being right standing with God, creation and man.  Father show me where I have not aligned myself with Your righteousness which is mine through Jeshua.  I see that not being aligned with Your righteousness has caused me to be so out of balance, i.e., not in right standing with You, Your creation and man.

So many tears –  I am so sorry heart you have been carrying so much pain since my coaching review in June.  I was totally caught off guard and have been completely at a loss to know how to deal with his only negative comment which was I need to work on being at work more.  It triggered all my insecurities. (Aside: I work 45-50 hours/week but a few days I have had to work from home because of the FMS/migraines).

The “light bulb went on”.  My thoughts and actions the last 4 months reflected what I’d learned from Dad and the way he treated himself:  “I’m doing my best and it is no damn good … because people still die” (he was a surgeon).  Well the only person dying in this scenario is me.

Heavenly Father I know from what You have just revealed to me that You have what I need for me to live in right standing with You, mankind – including my boss – and all your creation.  At this moment I just don’t have a clue what that looks like.

I put my hand on my heart and asked Holy Spirit “What came into my soul in that moment in my review?”  The floodgate of revelation opened:  WHOA … a WHOLE lot:

  • Fear that I will lose my job if I don’t live up to his expectation
  • Defiance – I’ll show you.  I’m not useless.  I’ll prove you wrong so you can’t find fault with me.  Hmmm … might that be pride?
  • Confusion.  How do I both show respect for my boss’ authority and at the same time set a healthy boundary for me?
  • Something to do with my will and being driven by will-power that it doesn’t matter if I don’t have anything more to give; I still have to give more or lose it all.  Well that would be a very ugly, ungodly belief right there now wouldn’t it?
  • Trapped.  No other choice.  Put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

No wonder “my tires are shredded”.

I just went Bible Gateway to look up truth to replace the lies above and the front page today is Proverbs 19:20-21

Hear counsel, receive instruction, and accept correction,
that you may be wise in the time to come.
Many plans are in a man’s mind,
but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand

 Well that pretty much sums it up.

I looked up in the Blue Letter Bible for the original translations and found another word for plans is devices.  A clearer translation for “Lord’s purpose” is “The Self-Existing One’s counsel and wisdom is what will rise up, become powerful, come on the scene, maintain itself, be established, confirmed, endure, be fixed, valid, proven, fulfilled, and persist.”  YES LORD!!

Forgive me Father where I came into agreement with fear and confusion and turned to my own devices of defiance and will power to cope with fear and confusion.  I confess those agreements and choices as sin.  I forgive myself for those agreements and choices.  I ask You to put the complete work of the cross between me and all consequences of those sins.

I come into agreement with the truth that it is Your counsel and wisdom that has risen up, become powerful, come on the scene, maintaining itself (having the power within it to accomplish Your purposes) and is established, confirmed, enduring, fixed (as is in does not change), is valid, proven, fulfilled and persists.  Your wisdom and counsel that tells me:

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not [there is nothing to fear],
for I am with you;
do not look around you in terror and be dismayed,
for I am your God.
I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties,
yes, I will help you;
yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand
of rightness and justice.

Oh my, I don’t have to know “on this side of the problem” what my answer looks like.  I just have to know that You have the answer and will reveal it to me as I need it.  Hallelujah!

But wait … there’s more truth! 🙂

Matt 6:33

But seek ye first the kingdom of God,
and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you.

More literal translation:

 “Seek, [in order to find out] by thinking, meditating, reasoning,
to enquire into the royal power of Jesus as the triumphant Messiah
of the One True God;
seek to enquire into His acceptableness to God;
and all of which I have just spoken to you will be added to you.”

What had Jesus just spoken earlier in Matthew 6?  Covering me/us with His glory, displayed in the lilies of the field, which is more than the glory that rested on Solomon, himself (and that is A LOT of glory = God’s presence).  How is that achieved?  Not by toiling and worrying, but by allowing our roots to grow deep where God has planted us in Christ.  There we are nourished, supported, nurtured, and fattened.

Fear not.  Trust You.  Inquire of You.  Got it.

Peace wonderful peace.  Thank You, Father for replacing my shredded tires with the gospel of peace!  (Eph 6:15)

Is your teeter totter stuck?  How about your tires?

My prayer for you is wherever in your life your teeter may be tottered and stuck, our Heavenly Father would come with truth to set you free so that you may find the balance you need to stop “shredding your tires” and instead ride safely and securely on the gospel of peace.

Pregnant with hope

I had a dream Thursday night and as I was journaling it Friday morning the title of this blog came to me.  It’s making me pretty nervous to be this transparent, but I also know that every time my Heavenly Father has asked for more transparency on my part, He has used it to touch and help another life.  So, transparency it is!

To help you understand the excerpt from my journal below, you may want to check out this previous post that describes the chasm to which I refer.

To help you understand the imagery, you need to know a little more about me and the dream language my Heavenly Father has developed with me over the years

What you need to know about me is I have learned/discovered that in addition to being a triune being of spirit, soul and body, that my soul is also triune made-up of my intellect, my will and my emotions/heart.  In dreams my Heavenly Father has always used me to represent my intellect and some type of dog to represent my heart.  Suffice it to say that my intellect and my heart have “been at odds” quite a bit during my journey 🙂 .  You will have to wait for a future post yet to be determined to discover about my will!

What follows is my recording of the dream and revelation that came with it:

It feels like I was dreaming a long time but that I only remember the last couple of scenes.  It takes place on a luxury ship, like a private yacht.  I think I am the woman in the dream yet still somehow watching her even in the dream.  Even as I type that I hear “no, she is the bride of Christ”.  It feels like we have been through some type of storm and/or battle and for the moment it is smooth sailing.  Suddenly outside there is a ship larger and faster than ours that comes roaring up and starts to circle around us pushing up huge waves to crash over our ship and literally rock the boat.  The scene changes and there is a very good looking man – reminds of the Russian maestro in the movie “Money Pit”  — running up the circular staircase towards the woman in the dream.  It appears they were married before but now she has a new husband and she is pregnant.  He is furious.  I can tell his only “goal” is to hurt her and kill/ destroy her child.  When she tries to tell him it’s not yours he won’t even let the words get out of her mouth before he refutes them saying vile things like who would have you besides me; you’re a hoar.  She keeps going higher up the staircase to get away from him.  I am very concerned for her safety and the child she is carrying.  I make the decision in the dream to offer myself to him and somehow I know it means there is a very good chance I will be raped, but I feel it is more important to protect her and the child and sacrifice myself.  As I am calling out or taking some action to distract him from her I wake up.

Come Holy Spirit with revelation and truth.  What I’m getting is the enemy is furious with what is about to be birthed by the Bride of Christ (Isaiah 60) and he is literally roaring up to try to crash waves over her and “rock the boat” with no time to rest after a recent fight and victory.  Oh my … the recent Israel and Syria crisis with a peaceful resolution, peoples and nations hardly started to relax and exhale when they were hit with  shutdown of the U.S. government with no “rest” between crisis.

In the midst of all this the enemy is casting accusations, words against the Bride of Christ like:

  • who would have you, look at the condition of the world; you’re a failure
  • you are such a hoar – he doesn’t want the Bride to see herself as Jeshua sees her; he wants to berate her to make her doubt her value and believe she is powerless; to only see her failures and to make her inert.

All to try to destroy what is about to be birthed which is Isaiah 60.

As the new day dawns it is pregnant with hope.

This is so bizarre, she and what she carries is more important than me and yet I am part of the Bride of Christ …..

Oh my, not only is this dream about “The Bride of Christ” as a whole, it has a personal message as well.  The woman is the part of me that is pregnant with hope and the enemy does not want that to be birthed.  He is trying to remind me of when I was “married” to law and performance = him and who else would have me because I certainly don’t measure up.  Look at me – migraine again this week, so much aching in my muscles the past few weeks.  Who would believe that what I carry is of the Lord when my life looks like this.  What I just heard is “that is exactly why they will believe”.  In the dream I felt I know who I am; whatever this man does to me, it does not change who I am.  My circumstances/what happens to me do not define who I am.

I am almost speechless as revelation dawns that where I have seen such a chasm in the past between my heart and my intellect (me in the dream), You have reconciled them Father.  This dreams shows me my intellect is “on board” with the importance of the hope to be birthed.  My intellect is renewed being bound to the mind of Christ and knows that the hope within me is true, real and Fathered by Jeshua.  WOW. My intellect and my heart are reconciled, regardless of circumstance … regardless of having to “understand” all circumstances and experiences.  That is the sacrifice in order for hope to be birthed.  Hallelujah!!

In this moment I am wondering if the “chasm” I’ve seen for so long between my heart and intellect is the very “chasm” into which I chose to leap back in 1998.  In it I found Your love and You told me “When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step out into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing there will be something to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”  There have been so many flying lessons since then, but what I am seeing now is the chasm is gone.  It no longer exists.  I am no longer in the chasm learning how to fly out of it and above it.  You have closed it and reconciled my heart, my intellect and my will.  I no longer need to soar to survive; I soar because of who I am and how You have made me.  HALLELUJAH!!!

I could thank You with every breath for the rest of my life, and still there would be more thanksgiving welling up to pour out to You.  Hmmm, that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.  So be it Father – soaring with You because of who I am regardless of circumstance with thanksgiving in every breath.  SO BE IT according to Your freshly spoken Word because of who Jeshua is and what Jeshua has done.  AMEN!

From this place of reconciliation in my own life, my prayer for each of you comes from 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole,
make you holy and whole, put you together
—spirit, soul, and body—
and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ.
The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!