My perspective earlier in the week:
My perspective now:
A bit of a change 🙂
I was walking Thursday morning trying to absorb the wisdom my husband had been sharing with me the night before when I had basically “lost it”. A combination of feeling physically awful combined with distressing news about a family member many miles away and I was in full blown “I can’t do this any more” mode … can you relate?
Have you noticed how amazing the difference can be between what someone says and what we hear; how sometimes the two can be exactly opposite?
As I was in melt-down mode, my husband was telling me how very much he wanted me to feel better so that I can enjoy life. That’s a pretty wonderful thing for someone to desire for another person, right? However, what I was hearing was “OK, everything I’ve already done (physically, spiritually, emotionally) has failed for me to feel this way and for my husband to see me as not able to enjoy my life.”
Then he said – “I didn’t tell you this to make you feel bad – I told you this so maybe you would give yourself a break, not push yourself so hard and rest and allow yourself to heal. If you keep dipping into your reserves and pushing yourself, soon there will be no reserves left.”
Suddenly the truth of what he was saying resonated in me but I had no clue what to do with it because of my perspective, which was me constantly in the storm that surrounds the mountain of FMS which I am continually trudging up . I told him I was afraid feeling better would never happen so I just had to keep pushing myself. His response “it never will happen if that is your attitude”. That truth resonated too, but still I was bamboozled.
Back to walking on Thursday morning trying to digest all this. At one point I had this image of a cloud of disappointment that was blocking my line of sight from the truth – but what was the truth? I don’t remember the exact sequence but it was something like I don’t know what else to do to be an overcomer Lord and I don’t think I have the strength/reserves left to do whatever needs to be done. I heard my Heavenly Father tell me “you already are an overcomer”. Huh? “You are in Christ (Eph 2:6) and He has already overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Talk about a paradigm shift! I made it back to my house and recorded my thoughts which were:
I don’t make myself an Overcomer. I don’t think it. I don’t create it. I am permeated with the power, because of who Jesus is and what He has done. I don’t have to push myself to be an Overcomer. I already am one because of Jesus in me permeating me. He is the One who has Overcome the world. I don’t have to. I can rest because of who He is and what He’s done. I don’t have to be afraid that it will never happen; that I can’t bring it to pass – because that’s actually true, I can’t. That’s like trying to enter a room I am already in. I already am an Overcomer. I haven’t failed; I’ve just been deceived.
I can rest and not be consumed.
The “WOW” factor for me was pretty high at that point; but My Heavenly Father – the One who does exceedingly, abundantly above all we can even dare to dream to ask (Eph 3:20) … Yup, He had MORE.
On the way to work I was listening to a podcast by 2 olympic runners and they made a statement of how they start from a position of victory. Obviously they desire and work to win every race they enter, but if they don’t win it does not define who they are or steal their joy.
All the bells and whistles started going off in my head … starting from a position of victory; I am already an Overcomer … I get it!! I’m not stuck trudging up the mountain of FMS, that is NOT my starting position.
I’ve shared previously about making the choice of letting my experiences define God for me or allowing Jesus, who is the exact representation of our Heavenly Father, define God to me. My enemy was using a similar tactic of deception – my circumstances do not define me; I look to my Heavenly Father to tell me who I am. And He just did. I am an Overcomer; I start from the position of victory, the mountain top. I don’t have to worry about getting there, I am there.
Now here is the Pièce de résistance 🙂 While I am writing this today, I searched for and found the “mountain top” picture at the top of this post. Here is an excerpt from the blog that went with this picture posted 6/21/12 … the exact day I had all this revelation:
“When you are ready to give up, know that it is not that you don’t have what it takes or that you are not the person for the job or that you can’t do it. It simply means you need a little rest. Quiet the chatter of your mind. Nurture your body with nutrients and a break. After a short break, you will feel just as new again. You just need a rest!”
No wonder the times I’ve literally been at the mountain top skiing there has been such a joy in my spirit, soul and body … this is where I belong! Now that perspective sets me free indeed.
Wanna join me – the perspective is great!