I’m struggling. You may get tired of hearing this, but trust me no more tired than I am of living it. However, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. At least I have yet to find anyone in my world who doesn’t have some sort of struggle going on in their life. How about you? In some strange way, I find comfort in that because it tells me I’m not failing at my life because I’m struggling. It just means I’m alive. Not such a bad thing 😉 .
The migraines have persisted this week so by the time I get home from work at night I am pretty weary, not tired, weary. That feeling where everything about your body, soul and spirit is drained. So what does my Heavenly Father do while I’m experiencing this … He sends me hope. He really is amazing.
How does the Creator of all have the time/capacity to intimately know me and know exactly what I need and when I need it? Too big a question for me to be able to give you an explanation. What I can tell you from my personal experience; He just does it.
Last Sunday I was trying to get ready for church and feeling beyond rough. I finally stopped my frantic efforts to push myself to get ready to get out the door and finally just said “help” and let the tears flow. I just didn’t have any more “push” in me. I thought I needed “push”. I didn’t. What I heard back was “rest”. Really? That didn’t line-up with my Sunday-school-taught-intellect of don’t forsake the gathering of the believers or you will be in deep doo-doo (my personal paraphrase). At this point I’m guessing you are either thinking “been there, done that myself” or you’re thinking … “what’s wrong with this woman, what’s so hard about taking care of yourself”.
Whatever your perspective, for me, resting was much harder to do than pushing myself. There is definitely a time for both. However, I still have a lot to learn about the time to rest.
One thing I have learned, I’m always better off when I listen to my Heavenly Father. So, off with the shoes, jewelry, clothes, and back to my pj’s and my couch. But I still had a plan to appease my worried intellect … I would stream my church’s service to be part of the fellowship. Then I could rest and feel good about myself. Let’s just say the internet feed would not cooperate. Coincidence? I think not as I’ve never had that problem before. I tried a different church’s website and it too would not work. What came to mind as I’m laying there is a podcast I saw earlier in the week on my iPhone but had not yet been able to listen to it “The Anatomy of a Giant Killer“. Not exactly what I was feeling like. But, exactly what I needed to hear.
David was living in the land of his enemies – can you relate? (1 Samuel 30) He and his army of 600 men come back from a long series of battles to find everything dear to them (including wives and children) have been stolen from them. David and his men grieved until they had no more strength to weep – now that is weary – mighty warriors without even enough strength to weep (vs 4). David then inquires of the Lord (vs. 8) “saying, Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them? The Lord answered him, Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”
OK, so that in itself rocked my world — everything that has been taken from me by the enemy — I just need to follow God’s lead to pursue, overtake and recover all. Hope.
But that wasn’t all my Heavenly Father wanted me to know. The story relates how 200 of David’s 600 men were too weary and faint to go fight this battle. How does David treat them? When the 400 return from battle victorious, David salutes the 200 that stayed behind and guarded the camp and declared “For as is the share of him who goes into the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage. They shall share alike.” (vs 24). Oh, how I wept. Even David’s mighty warriors had times they did not have the strength to fight and David still honored them. It’s OK not to fight every battle. It doesn’t disqualify everything else you have done. Later in David’s life this exact situation is turned around and David’s men tell David they will go fight for him and he should remain behind and rest.
There is no shame in resting. There is no shame in not fighting every battle. There is no shame in letting others fight for you. We are all in this together. When I am victorious, you get to share in that victory to strengthen you. When you are victorious, I get to share in that victory to strengthen me. Such a deal!
Wherever you are in your journey, be that in the midst of the battle or too weary to fight, be encouraged. Together, with God’s guidance and help we shall pursue, overtake and recover all that has been stolen from us by the enemy!