Do you ever feel or think that way?
For me what I honestly “don’t get” is why the Fibromyalgia persists. I’ve prayed. I’ve believed. I’ve had other people pray. I’ve completely changed my diet and lifestyle and yet it persists.
To be transparent, recently when every part of me has been hurting I haven’t felt a lot of hope. Just being authentic here. Not easy to tell you that, but if I can’t be authentic with you, how can I tell you about unconditional hope? Seriously — how unconditional is unconditional hope if it is not real in situations the world deems hopeless?
Doubts like “if You really loved me God, You would make this go away” have been the “fiery darts” (Ephesians 6:16) piercing my soul as the roar of my enemy is heard throughout my body (1 Peter 5:8) when it feels like broken glass is pulling through my muscles when I move.
Yet, in the middle of my questioning Him rather than chastise me or turn His back on me what does my Heavenly Father do? He releases MORE of His love into my life! I mean WHO DOES THAT???
Are you wondering what that looked like?
He reminded me of the weapon of thankfulness. You see my enemy’s strategy is to get and keep me focused on what I don’t have – which in my case is a life free of fibromyalgia.
Does choosing to be thankful mean denial and not being real about whatever pain you are experiencing (physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, financial)? Absolutely not. Rather our Creator knows we have a limited capacity to hold pain and at some point, like a volcano, it’s going to explode as the pressure of it builds within us if we try to manage our pain by constraining it with imaginary duct tape and locking it away. That’s why He tells us in both the old testament (Isaiah 1:18) and new testament (Philippians 4:6-7) to talk to Him about everything, be real with Him so He can provide real answers for us. His promise to us is if we will give our pain a voice, i.e., mourn, we will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4) That’s the deal.
Jesus, that light that cannot be quenched by any darkness (John 1:4-5) was piercing through revealing to me both my enemy’s plan and God’s provision. From the midst of “I don’t get it”, I started to be thankful. It didn’t take me long to be very aware of what a long list I have for which to be thankful. I just needed a little extra light to see it 🙂 .
One of my “thankfuls” that provides me hope is that God has declared His purposes for me, including the only “result” the enemy can achieve in my life. On the offensive – my Heavenly Father has declared His purpose is to proposer me and not to harm me; to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). On the defensive God has promised what the enemy has purposed for evil, He will turn it to His good purpose (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28). How do I know that for sure? Because absolutely nothing can separate me from God’s love (Romans 8:38-39) and there is no good thing my Heavenly Father would withhold from me having already sacrificed Jesus on my behalf in order that I could spend eternity with Him (Romans 8:32).
I may not “get” my circumstances but what I do get … is regardless of circumstance there is unconditional hope.
3 thoughts on “I don’t get it”
Wow, challenging stuff but great. I love that phrase ‘unconditional hope’, it really helps balance the conflict between faith and suffering (I have fibro too and a great love for God, which is not always the easiest thing to reconcile). Blessings and gentle hugs xx
Hello roswrites – thank you very much for choosing to read and follow my blog. There are so many choices to read out there, your choice to read my post(s) means a lot to me. I’m sorry life is so painful for you, but thankful you continue to hope in the midst of your pain. As I’m typing what just came to mind is a post on my blog titled “Does God really love me if I am chronically ill.” Maybe it would provide more encouragement for you … hopefully 🙂 .
I will really look forward to reading it! x