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The unfolding continues and with it the creation of more space. That space Jesus told me He wanted to create in me for rest.
There has been 2 parts of this unfolding. Seeing what I had done. Seeing what Jesus wants to do.
What I had done:
For my people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water
It so resonated within me as I read this verse that just like Israel, I had turned from the source of eternal, fresh supply of life/water God had created to flow from within them. The Greek word for living waters is more literally like life that flows from the womb in the menstrual cycle, i.e., something that is innately part of them that perpetuates life. Instead they and I chose, whether intentional or unintentional and for whatever reason, to try to create something “other” to meet our needs.
There has been many facets and layers over many years to the unfolding of this ungodly belief of trying to do enough to be enough to be loved by myself and by God, but I think I finally get it. I’ve been trying “to do” everything I was actually created “to be”, i.e. do love, do joy, do peace, do hope rather than being loving, being joyful, being at peace, being hopeful. Big difference and that difference has been wearing me out. That has been my cistern.
What Jesus wants to do:
Next the angel showed me
the river of the water of life,
sparkling like crystal,
flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.
A cistern is a tank. It requires effort to fill it. Even that does not work because over time the container cracks and cannot contain what is poured in. Your cistern may look different than mine. How can you recognize it? Anything in your life where you rely on your own soul’s power to meet a need, rather than relying on God. Those symptoms look like constant effort, constant frustration, constant drain of resources and energy to maintain a supply for a need.
It is a classic re-demonstration of doubting the heart of God towards us, just as Eve doubted. We question if God will withhold that which we need which creates confusion to the point we believe (perhaps unintentionally) that we can/will take better care of ourselves than what the Creator of All will provide for us. Why would we do that? Because we want to trust in what we can see and contain [a cistern] rather than in a spring whose source is beyond our comprehension and who does not fit in our “box”; is not under our control.
It results in constant doing in some form or fashion to fill the cistern to get our needs met; rather than being filled continuously, innately, as designed.
Why would our Heavenly Father take the risk of creating something as volatile as free will that provides such a choice for us? Because just as we want to be loved unconditionally, He wants to be loved unconditionally. He wants to be our choice. If there were no choice, it would not be love. It would be control and manipulation.
The river of life that springs forth out of God Himself on His Throne is what supplies life to us; creates life within us and overflows out of us to impact the world around us with the kingdom of heaven itself. Life begetting life.
Every person gets there own well. Can you see it? Just as rivers flow underground and people tap into them via wells, Jesus is the way (the well), the truth (the tap into the source) and the life (the river itself). As Jesus told the Samaritan woman, an eternal spring constantly bubbling up within us. It comes up from where we are rooted; through our foundation. I don’t think it is a coincidence that it is not a top down filling, i.e., head/intellect first. It starts with our roots/core/heart. Then it flows through us to fill and saturate us completely to the point that we overflow. The Greek for the word “flow” in Revelation 22:1 is actually “to gush”. We can draw and draw and draw some more and this river will never run out.
The space within that Jesus wants to create within me, within you to be connected to that source has been intended for you and for me since before time began. Now that is a reason to hope!
3 thoughts on “Unfolding the past – part 2”
This one touches my core in so many ways. I am constantly amazed by your ability to express your travels (struggle)and even that you have these struggles ! You, the person I most look up to as ‘godly’ and knowledgeable in His ways, would still be discovering. But I understan d now that all of us have these same desires to ‘do’ enough to be worthy. My prayer is that this revelation of yours will aid in your fibromyalga pain. with love and thanks
Thank you Lou. Since He is infinite, I’m thinking I have much more to discover 😊.