It’s been very difficult for me to write this post because to do so means an even greater level of transparency of my own shortcomings. The draft has been in process for a couple of weeks. Yet pretty much the whole reason I write my blog is to share my experiences where my Heavenly Father has provided unconditional hope, where the world tells me there is none. So, I make the choice for transparency.
I need to preface what I am about to share with telling you that I am truly blessed to have a wonderful job and to work with wonderful, caring people that have become a second family to me these past 17 years. My faulty perspective is what created the opportunity for the enemy to come against me and rob me.
Did you know our childhood solutions can become our grown-up problems that open the door for us to be robbed of life and life abundantly? What do you say to catching the thief in the act and putting a stop to it? (John 10:10)
Our childhood solutions become those faulty building blocks I mentioned many posts ago. [AKA a lie, ungodly belief, or ungodly perspective which are beliefs that don’t line up with who God says He is and what He has promised in His Word. They provide legal access for the enemy to our lives.]
To quote Bill Johnson from his teaching on 6/23/13 “what revelation provides faith must explore; what revelation provides faith must apprehend and take hold of”. When God brings the revelation of faulty beliefs in our lives it is up to us to explore what He is telling us; to take hold of the truth He provides; and to exercise it in our lives.
In the natural if someone gives you a gift, say like a new car. You are all excited about it. You tell everyone about it. You set the keys out where you can see them every day and say “yup, that’s my car”. But, you never get behind the wheel and drive it. Wouldn’t you say you’re missing out on what is yours by just a tad 🙂 ? That’s what I’m talking about here.
Below is my own recent experience of revelation about a childhood solution that became my adult problem. As I explored the revelation by faith, I discovered more revelation and I am in the process of apprehending it and truly making it mine. As in previous posts, the best way I know to share it with you is to open my journal to you from the week of July 15th.
Surprisingly what I journaled below was triggered by a simple enough question, or maybe I would be more accurate to describe it as a beautiful statement. It had been a long weekend of not feeling well and the plans to just have fun and enjoy the weekend had gone by the wayside. My husband made the remark “I just want you to be able to enjoy your life”. That’s a pretty nice wish for one person to make for another. However, to me it felt like he had just asked me to do the impossible. Here’s why:
For no known reason, I wanted to weep so I knew I had to give my heart a voice. As I quieted myself to listen to my heart, I saw You, Abba, pick me up like my Dad did on the front porch the night of the thunderstorm at Willowdale – “Daddy’s here”. Just Your presence to soothe me and to know I am OK because You hold me. I thought of what my husband said last night “I just want you to enjoy your life”. I was surprised to hear my heart respond “then just let me quit my job, let me quit so that I don’t have to work any more”. As quickly as that thought formed, I saw so clearly an ungodly belief and ungodly expectation “that as long as I have to work outside the home I am going to be miserable, sick and tired; and, that the only way I can feel well is not to have to work.” Both of those are ungodly expectations. The truth You showed me is that it is neither working or not working that makes me whole, it is Jesus. Jesus makes me whole regardless of circumstance. (Isaiah 53:5)
You, Father, are the One that causes my soul to prosper and all that that is; wholeness, functioning well, health, everything working as it should. You. It is not the circumstances it is You, Jesus. It is You, it is part of what You showed me this morning that nothing formed against me can prosper. I get to prosper. And that is not dependent on circumstance. You make me whole. So Father I have broken off agreement with those lies already. I ask You to forgive me for just not knowing any better; for making those choices to believe those lies. I forgive you, Dad, for living the way you did that you poured yourself so much into your work that it seemed to take you away from me. My childhood solution was that work is bad; work makes you sick; work takes you away from the things and the people that you love. I forgive you for teaching me that Dad by your actions. I know you didn’t mean to do that. I know you loved what you did. You loved us. I was too little to be able to figure it all out and so my childhood solution has become my adult problem. I forgive myself for where I have believed any lie about being whole and that I need anything more than Jesus to be whole. I ask You to come Jesus and to renew my mind. I thank You, Father, that I do get to live whole, regardless of circumstance. I thank You for the peace flooding my body this moment.
Remember what I said about exploring revelation? As the week progressed and I exercised my faith to explore this revelation do you know what I discovered: MORE childhood solutions that just weren’t working for me.
Another “childhood solution” that formed because of Dad’s work – we only had fun when Daddy didn’t go to work. We had fun in August when Daddy took the month off and didn’t have to work. That is when everybody had fun. The rest of the year Daddy was too busy or too tired to have fun. Wow. Wow. Thank You Lord that that is soooo not true. I come out of agreement with the lie that I won’t have any energy to do the things I want to do until I can quit work. I come into agreement with the truth that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is what gives life to my mortal body. (Romans 8:11) Now that’s big enough to have energy after work! Laughter. Oh my indeed! That is truly big enough for me to have energy and then some. More laughter. Thank You Lord, thank You, thank You!
The truth is, that in Your presence is fullness of joy and Your presence never leaves me – that is what it says Psalm 16:11 and in Hebrews 13:5-6. I get to have joy every minute of every day regardless of where I am and I get to have energy. Thank you Father. Thank You. Thank You.
When we are children the world is “black and white”, there is no gray, no ambivalence. To kids there are good guys and bad guys. To me my Dad was my hero. Every kid knows that heros can’t hurt you, so the only thing left to be bad was his job.
Do you see how that perspective on life might add a little stress and hopelessness to my day ….. EVERY day???? How that perspective might add fuel to the fire of Fibromyalgia?
Obviously I don’t know what your personal childhood solutions were, but would you like to join me to be set free from the adult problems they create? We have the perfect Father who can do exactly that.
Come to Me, all you who labor
and are heavy-laden and overburdened,
and I will cause you to rest.
[I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me,
for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart,
and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment
and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29 Amplified Version
Hope Without Limits 
These are powerful words my friend and so very applicable to me in this season of my life. I covet your prayers.
Heavenly Father, You alone know Tricia’s every need and You alone can meet Tricia’s every need. Bless Tricia, bless her indeed. Break off the pain in her life. Rest upon Tricia Father and expand the boundaries of Tricia’s life with Your presence and Your purposes. Protect Tricia Father that she would know no harm, do no harm or cause no harm to herself or anyone else (1 Chron 4:9-10) all because of who Jesus is and what Jesus has done. Amen.
Diane, I think this is your best yet…and I needed it. Someone just asked me if I was ready for school to start back Monday, and I said no I’d rather be home writing in my jammies and no make-up, but in reality I know I can’t. It helped me to read this and know others feel like I’ve been feeling…it’s like putting off happiness until there’s more time … it’s draining to feel that way. It’s draining to dread going back to work, thinking I didn’t accomplish all the goals I had set for summer. It’s a bit depressing. I’m in the midst of a writing project, getting my next book on Kindle so I think of work as an interruption when work is really a blessing. I also associate work with my dad working so much when I was growing up … we had fun on vacations because he was able to be there…but the rest of the year he was mostly gone to his produce business at night and catching naps during the day…same same when Don and I got married…he was on the road so much…I anticipated when he would have a few days between tours and had that to look forward to…sure I loved being with the kids and doing things with them, but if was the day he was coming home, I could hardly contain myself. Now, he isn’t coming hom, and it’s been such a hard adjustment for me…I get so down and wish back for those days in Nashville…so I put off and put off my happiness, which is a big waste of time and makes me so grouchy and depressed…now to put into action what I felt in my spirit when I read your blog this morning. How do you always know what I need and when? Oh, I almost forgot … the Holy Spirit. What a connection you have. Love you, my friend. I just told Heather about today’s message in your blog…Before I hung up, I said TGIF and then remembered…the lesson I need from the blog and told her, “We need to live each day like it’s Friday.” Thanks for nudging me again. Love you xoxo
Judy – what you wrote helped me to see even more “facets” to what I wrote. Thank you. I think you are really on to something with what you said about “Don not coming home and you are still waiting for him”. I don’t know what it will look like for you, but I know that our God is the God who can make the impossible, possible (Mark 10:27) so He can make you whole regardless. But your perspective is the filter of what you will experience. Love you sweet friend and so glad this post spoke to your heart and helped you!!
Diane, what you refer to as “childhood solutions” I’ve called “agreements. For instance, I was really hurt by a cousin who always ditched me. I loved and admired her immensely, but loving hurt too much. The enemy whispered, “you don’t need friends.” I agreed with him, and gave him a legal right to that part of my heart.
When Simon & Garfunkel’s song, “I Am A Rock” came out, I was ripe for the pickings, and chose that song as my “theme song.”
Thirty five years later I had no friends and couldn’t figure out why not. God showed me what I’d done. I renounced those agreements, and now have more friends than I have time for!
You can read my story here: http://lessonsbyheart.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/now-why-would-…gree-with-that/
God is good. 🙂
\o/
Praising Jesus who taught me truth and set me free!
Isn’t it wonderful how our Heavenly Father has the same message for all of us – that He loves us and wants us to live fully in the freedom Jesus purchased for us. The words we use to express it may be different, but the message is the same because He is the same yesterday, today and forever 🙂