Anyone watched or read “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens this Christmas season? Jacob Marley’s warning to Ebenezer Scrooge has taken on new meaning for me.
I had my own dream about this huge “muffin-top” I was carrying about my waist. All this extra skin I was carrying around as if I had lost a great deal of weight, but was still carrying the burden of the extra skin. It was heavy, very uncomfortable and impacted all I did. It was a very descriptive picture of having been set free from something and yet still carrying it around. The picture made me question the validity of previous inner healing. With that question still in my thoughts, revelation came that when a person loses a large amount of weight, they still need a surgeon’s help to get rid of the excess skin. The excess skin does not invalidate the weight loss, but it is a constant irritant and reminder until it too is removed by someone with the skills to do so.
What my Heavenly Father showed me with this muffin-top thing is a picture of the lie I, and I am thinking many others, have bought into that we walk about like Jacob Marley carrying this great and ponderous chain which we cannot see, but feel its weight. How so? Because each day when something happens that may be similar to something which occurred in your past you feel the weight of that chain rather than just what is occurring in the moment.
After my Heavenly Father showed me this lie, He showed me the truth to replace it. The truth is He has taken all of our sins, all of our unrighteousness and put it as far as the east is from the west. (Ps 103:12) That is why His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt 11:30). Because Jesus has removed the past, we do not carry it as much as the enemy would like to us to believe that we do.
And, the future — Our Heavenly Father has all of our days numbered; He has them in His hands (Ps 31:15). So all we carry is today, the present. That is why the weight is light.
So that great and ponderous chain …
It is gone not because of anything that we have done but because of who Jesus is and what He has done. Let it sink in …. me, you we are truly new creatures and all things that are in the past are gone (2 Cor 5:17). Take hold of this wonderful gift and …
It may take a lot of repetition on my part or anyone’s part to refute the continued attacks of the enemy that tell us of this great and ponderous chain and that we must carry it. But truly we do not have to carry it and we do not carry it. We are free to live free in this moment. And today, whatever happens it immediately gets put under the blood as well and we don’t carry that into tomorrow. The image I see is similar to a free car wash that we get every day. Every day is a fresh, washed-away start – none of the dirt, none of the grime is carried from one day to the next.
These chains I’m talking about, the links are found in the secrets we keep from ourselves and in some of the faulty beliefs we’ve formed through the years. Later in the day as the truth from above soaked into my being, my sweet Heavenly Father used the light of that truth to reveal a “whopper” of a link in the chain I’ve been carrying around. The best way I know to share it with you is to take it straight from my journal:
(For those of you reading my blog for the first time, let me preface what you are about to read with the background that I have been dealing with Fibromyalgia since 1998.)
The question that came to mind is when did I become such a bad thing that everyone needs to be protected from me? What I saw was the moment I was conceived. That is where the lie/faulty belief came in that I was a bad thing and I needed to protect everyone from me because I wasn’t planned; I wasn’t expected; and, I forced people to change their plans, they had to accommodate me.
So now when people have to accommodate me, particularly because of the Fibromyalgia, it feels really bad when do I anything that impacts their lives so that they have to change. It feels REALLY BAD. But, the truth is yes all that I am (including Fibromyalgia) may impact those around me and cause them to change in some way, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. The change in their life might be a good thing. It is what You showed me a few minutes ago when I was thinking I am tired of trying to be victorious and I heard You say “You already are who I want you to be.” My response was REALLY, this, this is what You want me to be (i.e., feeling like my muscles were tearing with Fibromyalgia pain)? Oh, but the difference is You said “WHO” and I said “WHAT”. Yup there is a big difference. The difference between who and what I am … long releasing sigh … thank You Lord.
I break off agreement with the lie that I need to protect everyone from me and that the impact I have on people around me, i.e., my existence is a very bad thing. I forgive myself for trying to overcome my existence all these years and swinging to the other extreme because no matter what I did I couldn’t win, I still existed and impacted people. How can I be victorious when the problem is me? I have to go away. I have to not exist to be victorious with that belief system in place.
No wonder trying to be victorious has been so exhausting and I have experienced so much exhaustion and physical pain in my life.
So enemy You have been revealed. And Father, God, I thank You for doing that and I ask You to come and to rebuke whatsoever powers and principalities that are attached to this lie and all the frustration that has come in with it. I tell the frustration – you must go and deal with Jesus. You have been revealed. I come into agreement with Your truth that I am who You want me to be. (Eph 2:10) I come into agreement with the truth that I am not a bad thing and the impact I have on others around me – intentional or unintentional — can be a very good thing. I’m not sure if I am at “is a good thing” yet, but I am going to say that because I hear You saying it Father. The impact I have from just being who I am is a good thing for those around me.
Thank You Lord.
That’s an honest look at my chain. What make up the links of your great and ponderous chain? Are you exhausted from carrying it around? Would you like to start 2013 free of it?
I know that’s what I want. I’ve been living with this truth for a couple weeks now. Has the enemy stopped trying to get me to pick up that chain and carry it around again? No. But, I no longer feel obligated to carry it … now that’s freedom and unconditional hope. Care to join me?
Here’s to a New Year free of great and ponderous chains!
4 thoughts on “Tis a great and ponderous chain”
You put it so beautifully, Hope. Forgiving oneself is sometimes a complex task: but one so worth accomplishing.
Thanks Kate. We are told to love others as we love ourselves; to love ourselves we must be able to forgive ourselves.
Well I just got to this one and all I have to say “I am so thankful God gave you to us.” You said you were not planned but you were planned in God’s plan and how I thank him for that and that he has let our paths cross in this life. You are such a blessing to me and so many others.
Thank you Judy!