I have choices to make.
Hope doesn’t feel real to me right now – just being honest. This whole transparency thing is taking a lot more courage than I even imagined it would. It’s hard for me to write because I don’t want to let anyone down. But then I realized, if I can’t be real here and find unconditional hope, how can I expect you to find unconditional hope. That’s the deal.
What am I talking about? My world feels really compartmentalized.
Externally I am participating in and witnessing some incredible answers to prayer; literally seeing lives changed. How do I describe how thankful that makes me feel?
At the same time, internally I am physically struggling. It’s been about a month now I’ve been in an FMS flare-up and it’s really wearing on me. The word “overwhelmed” is creeping back into my feelings and thoughts. What came to me this past weekend is the enemy does not have the power to create anything new, so instead he uses repetition. Not only does it wear you out, it wears you down. I bet you know what I am talking about. Where is the repetition in your life? What problem do you continually to come up against in various forms?
So what’s the deal? How can I be experiencing such victory in one area of my life and feel so defeated in another. It’s beyond me to put the pieces together, but it’s not beyond my Heavenly Father.
Within the last 2 weeks I have heard 2 different teachings from 2 different teachers and each contained truth … you know … the truth that sets you free (John 8:32). Truth which leads to unconditional hope.
Teaching #1 – Tension is a good thing.
Teaching #2 – Hunger is a good thing.
Never saw this perspective before. I didn’t say enjoyable – I said good = that which brings about a state of well-being.
It is both the onset and release of tension when you exercise that builds strength and balance.
Hunger helps us to seek out the nourishment we need to thrive and grow.
The tension in my life right now gives me an opportunity to exercise my faith and choose to hope or not to hope. It’s my choice. God has not changed. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8). Just because my circumstances have changed does not mean His ability to meet my needs according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19) is not still true. I have to choose if my experience will define my perception and understanding of God; or, if Jesus, who was the exact representation of my Heavenly Father (Heb 1:3) defines my perception and understanding of my Heavenly Father. My experience has misled me in the past to come to incorrect conclusions – so I am choosing to look at who Jesus was, how he lived and who He is now to define my perception. Have you ever noticed that when John started his gospel, out of all the things he witnessed while with Jesus – the greek word He chose to describe Jesus was “charis” = full of loving kindness and truth (John 1:14). That is someone in whom I can hope.
Hunger. When a child has no appetite, you know they are sick. Hunger drives you to seek out nourishment so that you can be healthy and grow. There is no question that right now I am very hungry for more of God so that I can be healthy and grow. This hunger/need/sense of lack I am experiencing does not mean I have somehow failed and am being punished. No – that twist of my circumstances is the enemy trying to blame me for his doings. This hunger is my spirit, soul and body seeking the very thing it needs for life. My choice is to take the repeated hits of the enemy and turn them into hunger for more (Matt 7:7) of my Heavenly Father, His Son and His Holy Spirit; here I will find my sustenance and my strength.
I just flashed on a picture of Ms. Pac-Man. Do you remember that game? That’s my choice to gobble up the hits and to move on to higher levels. What better way to see my enemy defeated?
I’m glad I made the choice to be transparent. It set me free to truly find another dose of unconditional hope. Drink up, there is plenty for all of us!
10 thoughts on “When the hits keep on coming”
There is a great book I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Thought of you when I was reading it. I love you. Joni
Thanks Joni – I will definitely check out the book.
My YOU GOBBLE up the HEALING energy of His light! Thinking of you! XO – Carla
Hi Carla – thanks for reading and caring!
What you wrote here gave me chills. It’s the Holy Spirit. Perfect words through you. If we didn’t have our trials, we (when I say we, I mean me) would more than likely have less faith. I cannot go one day without faith. My chats with God about problems reafirms my faith in him for myself. If I’m not talking to God, I’m in trouble. I like to think of God as my imaginary/nonimaginary friend. Jesus is always in the passenger seat of my car, and we chat and thank goodness we like the same kind of music. Seriously, Diane, this has been some summer. It’s a miracle to watch how God is moving in lives here. Thank you for putting God “out there.” Love you!!!
Wow Judy – thank you for reading and for your wonderful encouragement. I love miracles 🙂 We need to chat so I can here more about them!
We do need to chat. Soon I hope.
Just know that even years later this can speak and be used for good. As I have a different chronic pain in my back, I so needed to hear this today. You truly have a gift in expressing and speaking truth. Thank you Diane for your faithful sharing!
Sorry you are hurting Diane. Thankful you found the help you needed. Your encouragement comes at a time when I’ve been wondering about trying to create a book from my posts.