It’s been very difficult for me to write this post because to do so means an even greater level of transparency of my own shortcomings. The draft has been in process for a couple of weeks. Yet pretty much the whole reason I write my blog is to share my experiences where my Heavenly Father has provided unconditional hope, where the world tells me there is none. So, I make the choice for transparency.
I need to preface what I am about to share with telling you that I am truly blessed to have a wonderful job and to work with wonderful, caring people that have become a second family to me these past 17 years. My faulty perspective is what created the opportunity for the enemy to come against me and rob me.
Did you know our childhood solutions can become our grown-up problems that open the door for us to be robbed of life and life abundantly? What do you say to catching the thief in the act and putting a stop to it? (John 10:10)
Our childhood solutions become those faulty building blocks I mentioned many posts ago. [AKA a lie, ungodly belief, or ungodly perspective which are beliefs that don’t line up with who God says He is and what He has promised in His Word. They provide legal access for the enemy to our lives.]
To quote Bill Johnson from his teaching on 6/23/13 “what revelation provides faith must explore; what revelation provides faith must apprehend and take hold of”. When God brings the revelation of faulty beliefs in our lives it is up to us to explore what He is telling us; to take hold of the truth He provides; and to exercise it in our lives.
In the natural if someone gives you a gift, say like a new car. You are all excited about it. You tell everyone about it. You set the keys out where you can see them every day and say “yup, that’s my car”. But, you never get behind the wheel and drive it. Wouldn’t you say you’re missing out on what is yours by just a tad 🙂 ? That’s what I’m talking about here.
Below is my own recent experience of revelation about a childhood solution that became my adult problem. As I explored the revelation by faith, I discovered more revelation and I am in the process of apprehending it and truly making it mine. As in previous posts, the best way I know to share it with you is to open my journal to you from the week of July 15th.
Surprisingly what I journaled below was triggered by a simple enough question, or maybe I would be more accurate to describe it as a beautiful statement. It had been a long weekend of not feeling well and the plans to just have fun and enjoy the weekend had gone by the wayside. My husband made the remark “I just want you to be able to enjoy your life”. That’s a pretty nice wish for one person to make for another. However, to me it felt like he had just asked me to do the impossible. Here’s why:
For no known reason, I wanted to weep so I knew I had to give my heart a voice. As I quieted myself to listen to my heart, I saw You, Abba, pick me up like my Dad did on the front porch the night of the thunderstorm at Willowdale – “Daddy’s here”. Just Your presence to soothe me and to know I am OK because You hold me. I thought of what my husband said last night “I just want you to enjoy your life”. I was surprised to hear my heart respond “then just let me quit my job, let me quit so that I don’t have to work any more”. As quickly as that thought formed, I saw so clearly an ungodly belief and ungodly expectation “that as long as I have to work outside the home I am going to be miserable, sick and tired; and, that the only way I can feel well is not to have to work.” Both of those are ungodly expectations. The truth You showed me is that it is neither working or not working that makes me whole, it is Jesus. Jesus makes me whole regardless of circumstance. (Isaiah 53:5)
You, Father, are the One that causes my soul to prosper and all that that is; wholeness, functioning well, health, everything working as it should. You. It is not the circumstances it is You, Jesus. It is You, it is part of what You showed me this morning that nothing formed against me can prosper. I get to prosper. And that is not dependent on circumstance. You make me whole. So Father I have broken off agreement with those lies already. I ask You to forgive me for just not knowing any better; for making those choices to believe those lies. I forgive you, Dad, for living the way you did that you poured yourself so much into your work that it seemed to take you away from me. My childhood solution was that work is bad; work makes you sick; work takes you away from the things and the people that you love. I forgive you for teaching me that Dad by your actions. I know you didn’t mean to do that. I know you loved what you did. You loved us. I was too little to be able to figure it all out and so my childhood solution has become my adult problem. I forgive myself for where I have believed any lie about being whole and that I need anything more than Jesus to be whole. I ask You to come Jesus and to renew my mind. I thank You, Father, that I do get to live whole, regardless of circumstance. I thank You for the peace flooding my body this moment.
Remember what I said about exploring revelation? As the week progressed and I exercised my faith to explore this revelation do you know what I discovered: MORE childhood solutions that just weren’t working for me.
Another “childhood solution” that formed because of Dad’s work – we only had fun when Daddy didn’t go to work. We had fun in August when Daddy took the month off and didn’t have to work. That is when everybody had fun. The rest of the year Daddy was too busy or too tired to have fun. Wow. Wow. Thank You Lord that that is soooo not true. I come out of agreement with the lie that I won’t have any energy to do the things I want to do until I can quit work. I come into agreement with the truth that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is what gives life to my mortal body. (Romans 8:11) Now that’s big enough to have energy after work! Laughter. Oh my indeed! That is truly big enough for me to have energy and then some. More laughter. Thank You Lord, thank You, thank You!
The truth is, that in Your presence is fullness of joy and Your presence never leaves me – that is what it says Psalm 16:11 and in Hebrews 13:5-6. I get to have joy every minute of every day regardless of where I am and I get to have energy. Thank you Father. Thank You. Thank You.
When we are children the world is “black and white”, there is no gray, no ambivalence. To kids there are good guys and bad guys. To me my Dad was my hero. Every kid knows that heros can’t hurt you, so the only thing left to be bad was his job.
Do you see how that perspective on life might add a little stress and hopelessness to my day ….. EVERY day???? How that perspective might add fuel to the fire of Fibromyalgia?
Obviously I don’t know what your personal childhood solutions were, but would you like to join me to be set free from the adult problems they create? We have the perfect Father who can do exactly that.
Come to Me, all you who labor
and are heavy-laden and overburdened,
and I will cause you to rest.
[I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me,
for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart,
and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment
and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29 Amplified Version